Ma ei soovi saada
kasvupinnaks verelilledele.
Ma ei taha kummituslikult, kurvalt
seista sinel seljas
õuduspiltides oma poja unes.
20090430
20090428
Östenfrukt
sel lühikesel ööl nägin ma pikka und. ma koristasin oma tuba, meelt ja südant. tuba oli mul päris sassis ja pimedavõitu, täis igasugu sodi (justkui polekski uni). põrand oli täis erinevaid lehti, ma korjasin need kokku. neid lehti seades korrastasin oma mõtteid ja panin ühte virna nii mõnedki erinevatel aegadel tekkinud mõttekäigud. siis panin need kappi. peale nende korjasin maast ka kõik mustaksläinud riided/emotsioonid ja viskasin need pesukasti. vanadelt sõprade poolt kingitud nipsasjadelt puhusin pealt tolmu. voodi tegin samuti üles - see jäi õnneks iseendaks. toas olid ka mõned lilled, aga need ei paistnud kastmist vajavat.
tabasin end mõttelt, et see koristamine on väga hea ja leidsin peas koheselt kümme asja veel, mida võiks korda teha. aga sinna see uni siis jäi.
*Teil pole süsteemiaja muutmiseks õiget õigusetaset.*
tabasin end mõttelt, et see koristamine on väga hea ja leidsin peas koheselt kümme asja veel, mida võiks korda teha. aga sinna see uni siis jäi.
*Teil pole süsteemiaja muutmiseks õiget õigusetaset.*
20090427
uimane (nurr300)
ebakindlust võis aimata mänglemas ta naeratusel kui ta seisis seal majaka tipus.
mis ta nüüd tegi?
ABBA on soe ja hapnikurikas vesi mu närvisoontes. mõnikord
nägin Reimot enne, ta tabas mind valel hetkel. olin liialt keskendunud veepudeli hankimisele ja siis ta juba oligi läinud, edasi.
Look at all those people! Did they really all come here just to see all those people walking in the park on a sunny Saturday afternoon?
mine magama, pelle
mis ta nüüd tegi?
ABBA on soe ja hapnikurikas vesi mu närvisoontes. mõnikord
nägin Reimot enne, ta tabas mind valel hetkel. olin liialt keskendunud veepudeli hankimisele ja siis ta juba oligi läinud, edasi.
Look at all those people! Did they really all come here just to see all those people walking in the park on a sunny Saturday afternoon?
mine magama, pelle
20090420
indulging in over-analyzing, expecting you to join in.
* Kaua veel?
- Kannata.
* Kaua veel?
- Kannata!
* Ma ei taha kannatada...
Pride - to desire the acknowledgement of one's worth by others.
Vanity - to desire the admiration of one's features, great or small, by others.
X - to desire the approval of one's inner being and character by others.
what could X be called? and where would it stand? if virtuous (and not sinful) pride is right and vanity is left, would X be on the middle ground? or, where pride is East and vanity is West, is X considered to be South rather than North (up, like right, is good/virtuous/right)? and then, what would the fourth component be?
and what, exactly, is the centre?
20090418
Kõrbse küla, täpsemalt (väidetavalt)
ma lähen Neerutile.
ma lähengi tõesti Neerutile.
juba tunni aja pärast ehk olen ma autos ja me liigume sinnapoole.
me läheme ära Neerutile.
ma lähengi tõesti Neerutile.
juba tunni aja pärast ehk olen ma autos ja me liigume sinnapoole.
me läheme ära Neerutile.
20090416
mis on jõukus?
Jõukus on ergas vaim, mis toob hingele rõõmu.
Jõukus on lai perekond juba ses vanuses, kus sa mõistad sugulaste väärtust ja seda, et me ise loome oma sugukonda edasi.
Jõukus on meeldiv elamine linnas ja talu maal, kuhu vajaduse korral ära kaduda.
Jõukus on sõpruskond, kes valmis laenama abikätt ja vestluskeelt.
Jõukus on raamatukogu ja maailmakaardid seinal, mis suuteline rahuldama teadmistejanu igal päeval.
Jõukus on vaba aeg, mida leiad nende ülemiste vahelt puhkamiseks üksinda.
...ja selle jõukuseni jõudmine ongi ju inimese elutöö.
Jõukus on lai perekond juba ses vanuses, kus sa mõistad sugulaste väärtust ja seda, et me ise loome oma sugukonda edasi.
Jõukus on meeldiv elamine linnas ja talu maal, kuhu vajaduse korral ära kaduda.
Jõukus on sõpruskond, kes valmis laenama abikätt ja vestluskeelt.
Jõukus on raamatukogu ja maailmakaardid seinal, mis suuteline rahuldama teadmistejanu igal päeval.
Jõukus on vaba aeg, mida leiad nende ülemiste vahelt puhkamiseks üksinda.
...ja selle jõukuseni jõudmine ongi ju inimese elutöö.
20090413
wish I could write better...
They had all gotten together by chance, and now they were playing a game. There was Bree and there was Tame, along with them both Bonte and Napi and Jordan and Louard and Bundileé. It was a sunny and dry summer-day and they were running on a wide, dusty road where once the young master Copperfield had walked. A few days has passed since then, an old lady, whose small cottage stood a hundred yards to the North, would say. Troubled did he look, she'd say, yet hope was gleaming from his walk and in his composure; so youthful, such pleasance!
Somehow – I don't know why – the group had gotten hold of a laser-armed borderpost. It was not at all tall and if its metal casting would not have shined in the afternoon sun, a casual observer would have thought it a simple wooden post, waiting for its master to cover it in wires to connect with other posts to form a fence. Yet here it stood, in the middle of the road: cold and calm, mercilessly complicated, militaristic to the iron-bone.
The game they played was simple enough. Everybody danced around the post, but you must not step off the road. They could swirl and jump and laugh and prance, but walking slowly was not allowed. Taking turns, one would find a small rock or stone and throw it at the post. It did not matter whether he hit it or not (although Louard found great pleasure in hearing the metallic *ping* every time it did), for the post would play back. In the direction of the rock, a purple beam of light would fly. That beam looked so silly and so quick that it delighted the crowd. They danced around it, jumped over it and tried not to get hit. It all seemed so gay and fun, hours seemed to pass.
But then a shocking thing occurred and Bundileé – the youngest of the seven – could not jump high enough to flee the laser's beam. A loud PUFF! stopped everyone. They looked for their fellow friend, but nothing of him had remained. Bundileé had ceased to be.
Bree had on his face a doubtful, confused smile. Tame was soon laughing aloud. Bonte and Napi both looked around and into the sky, but found nothing but a lovely little cloud. Jordan weeped a little bit, for she was normal enough to be compassionate. Louard was at awe and his eyes could not leave the silver-gilded laserpost.
It was then they heard a mighty THUD! and from behind them came the Ram-Rod. He was not a pretty little creature, but a beast, whose little heart was as ugly as his face. And that is because he didn't have a face; he did not have a head, at all. He had a large, large belly-body and where normally you would find a navel, he had a gigantic mouth. Instead of nipples, he had eyes and on his shoulders stood two ears. He had no legs and he did have arms. So that he could move, he sat on an old rusty carriage. In his mighty right hand, he had a great wooden stick with big pointy teeth at the top. He would crash the teeth into the ground and then pull his carriage with the stick. He was angry, he was cruel, and he was hungry to meet the acquaintances new...
vb veel järgneb
Somehow – I don't know why – the group had gotten hold of a laser-armed borderpost. It was not at all tall and if its metal casting would not have shined in the afternoon sun, a casual observer would have thought it a simple wooden post, waiting for its master to cover it in wires to connect with other posts to form a fence. Yet here it stood, in the middle of the road: cold and calm, mercilessly complicated, militaristic to the iron-bone.
The game they played was simple enough. Everybody danced around the post, but you must not step off the road. They could swirl and jump and laugh and prance, but walking slowly was not allowed. Taking turns, one would find a small rock or stone and throw it at the post. It did not matter whether he hit it or not (although Louard found great pleasure in hearing the metallic *ping* every time it did), for the post would play back. In the direction of the rock, a purple beam of light would fly. That beam looked so silly and so quick that it delighted the crowd. They danced around it, jumped over it and tried not to get hit. It all seemed so gay and fun, hours seemed to pass.
But then a shocking thing occurred and Bundileé – the youngest of the seven – could not jump high enough to flee the laser's beam. A loud PUFF! stopped everyone. They looked for their fellow friend, but nothing of him had remained. Bundileé had ceased to be.
Bree had on his face a doubtful, confused smile. Tame was soon laughing aloud. Bonte and Napi both looked around and into the sky, but found nothing but a lovely little cloud. Jordan weeped a little bit, for she was normal enough to be compassionate. Louard was at awe and his eyes could not leave the silver-gilded laserpost.
It was then they heard a mighty THUD! and from behind them came the Ram-Rod. He was not a pretty little creature, but a beast, whose little heart was as ugly as his face. And that is because he didn't have a face; he did not have a head, at all. He had a large, large belly-body and where normally you would find a navel, he had a gigantic mouth. Instead of nipples, he had eyes and on his shoulders stood two ears. He had no legs and he did have arms. So that he could move, he sat on an old rusty carriage. In his mighty right hand, he had a great wooden stick with big pointy teeth at the top. He would crash the teeth into the ground and then pull his carriage with the stick. He was angry, he was cruel, and he was hungry to meet the acquaintances new...
vb veel järgneb
20090411
20090408
luuletus
Räägi mulle sellest mis sa eile õhtul tegid,
kus sa päeval ringi liikusid
ja mis kell sa hommikul silmi avades päikest jälle nägid.
Räägi mulle miks sa panid selga selle särgi;
kas see hele-valge juhtus lihtsalt niisama kätte
või su meeleolu tundis lausa vajadust ta järgi.
Räägi mulle sellest, mitu suve maal sa veetsid,
kus küll olid sinu meeliskohad igavusehetkel
ja mis tunne oli sügisel kui kooli jälle veeti
sind.
Räägi mulle, milline sa tahad olla vanalt,
mitu lastelast sa enda ümber jooksmas näha vajad
ja kui suur peaks olema su lilleaed ja peenramaa
ja kas kartuleid siis kasvataksid ka?
Räägi mulle, mis on olnud sinu suured mured,
kust sa kõige enam leiad rõõmu,
kas neid väheneb või suureneb kui sinu juurde tulen.
Räägi mulle seda, mis sul meeldib mulle öelda,
olgu nali või ka etteheide, vahemärkus juures
ma armastan su häält, su sõnu,
tundeid mida valdad.
kus sa päeval ringi liikusid
ja mis kell sa hommikul silmi avades päikest jälle nägid.
Räägi mulle miks sa panid selga selle särgi;
kas see hele-valge juhtus lihtsalt niisama kätte
või su meeleolu tundis lausa vajadust ta järgi.
Räägi mulle sellest, mitu suve maal sa veetsid,
kus küll olid sinu meeliskohad igavusehetkel
ja mis tunne oli sügisel kui kooli jälle veeti
sind.
Räägi mulle, milline sa tahad olla vanalt,
mitu lastelast sa enda ümber jooksmas näha vajad
ja kui suur peaks olema su lilleaed ja peenramaa
ja kas kartuleid siis kasvataksid ka?
Räägi mulle, mis on olnud sinu suured mured,
kust sa kõige enam leiad rõõmu,
kas neid väheneb või suureneb kui sinu juurde tulen.
Räägi mulle seda, mis sul meeldib mulle öelda,
olgu nali või ka etteheide, vahemärkus juures
ma armastan su häält, su sõnu,
tundeid mida valdad.
(03:08)
20090407
harbor
Kui päevade kaupa ma mõtlen vaid sulle
siis tean see on needus ja armastus ka
(quote)
I feel as if I am being stretched in age, growing younger and older at the same time.
ma tahaksin minna mõne (evil) hüpnotiseerija juurde. ta viiks mind transiga sügavale oma alateadvuse sisse et siis mind seal ärkvele tuua. see oleks ehk mingitmoodi sarnane teadlikult unes olemisega, ainult et kontakt oma sügavustega oleks palju lähedasem. mul poleks keha ega kindlat visuaalset kujutust. samas saaksin tutvuda kõigega, mis minusse on peitunud - lapsepõlve tunnetused, peidetud emotsioonid, ihade ja tungide lätted, oma kujutlusvõime erinevad nurgad ja neist kiirguvad ideed. ei tea, vb on see liiga ohtlik.
siis tean see on needus ja armastus ka
(quote)
I feel as if I am being stretched in age, growing younger and older at the same time.
ma tahaksin minna mõne (evil) hüpnotiseerija juurde. ta viiks mind transiga sügavale oma alateadvuse sisse et siis mind seal ärkvele tuua. see oleks ehk mingitmoodi sarnane teadlikult unes olemisega, ainult et kontakt oma sügavustega oleks palju lähedasem. mul poleks keha ega kindlat visuaalset kujutust. samas saaksin tutvuda kõigega, mis minusse on peitunud - lapsepõlve tunnetused, peidetud emotsioonid, ihade ja tungide lätted, oma kujutlusvõime erinevad nurgad ja neist kiirguvad ideed. ei tea, vb on see liiga ohtlik.
20090403
mida lauset
His sense of her inferiority - of its being a degragation - of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit.
I love this language!
I love this language!
20090401
täna seminaris, harjutuses
The use of the underlined word in the sentence below is ambiguous. Provide alternatives to show possible differences in meaning.
Helen is very fair.
- She is always honest and just.
- Her skin is white as milk.
- She is elegant and beautiful.
Helen is very fair.
- She is always honest and just.
- Her skin is white as milk.
- She is elegant and beautiful.
elusioon
eile Tai-Ji'd tehes ei näinud ma oma meeltes punast palli. see oli hoopis kollane ja sügavtäiuslik päike. and I couldn't help but think and think and think about that makes me...
printsiip - ürgalus. arche. trimurti. jumal. alge. atmani põliskodu. eksistents.
Seda ei saa inimhing ja -vaim iial mõistma, ent arusaamise tükikesi on See oma mustritesse ju peitnud. mul tuli silme ette niivõrd ilus kujutlus.
See ongi justkui päike süsteemi keskel ja meie kõik väiksed, väiksed tükikesed ruumis ringi keerlemas, võtmas vastu õhukesi kiirgusevoole. jõudes lähemale atman kui tükike ka suureneb. ent päikest ei saa kummardada. selle asemel me aga näeme kuud ja sellelt peegeldub Selle valgus ja ta näeb välja ka nagu päike. nii me nimetame teda jehoovaks ja allah'ks ja zeusiks ja jah'ks. enamuse ajast on kuu vaatamine lihtsalt romantiline tegevus, pealegi ka see aitab meil ägedamalt keerelda. lihtsalt vahepeal võib tulla Päikesevarjutus...
printsiip - ürgalus. arche. trimurti. jumal. alge. atmani põliskodu. eksistents.
Seda ei saa inimhing ja -vaim iial mõistma, ent arusaamise tükikesi on See oma mustritesse ju peitnud. mul tuli silme ette niivõrd ilus kujutlus.
See ongi justkui päike süsteemi keskel ja meie kõik väiksed, väiksed tükikesed ruumis ringi keerlemas, võtmas vastu õhukesi kiirgusevoole. jõudes lähemale atman kui tükike ka suureneb. ent päikest ei saa kummardada. selle asemel me aga näeme kuud ja sellelt peegeldub Selle valgus ja ta näeb välja ka nagu päike. nii me nimetame teda jehoovaks ja allah'ks ja zeusiks ja jah'ks. enamuse ajast on kuu vaatamine lihtsalt romantiline tegevus, pealegi ka see aitab meil ägedamalt keerelda. lihtsalt vahepeal võib tulla Päikesevarjutus...
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